Middle-aged flash packers

Steve and I decided to have a bit of a leg stretch and walk to Mandalay Hill. As it was a Sunday, there seemed to be plenty of young young ladies milling about in their best longyis, taking selfies. The walkway alongside the palace moat was a popular background to show off their loveliness. The girls here are stunningly attractive, with glistening hair and petite figures that are shown at their best in the tightest of outfits that still manage to look modest. I’m not sure what will happen when Dunkin Donuts get a hold round here – in Thailand it certainly had an inflationary effect on ladies’ figures- but for now the girls are little wisps of things.

We took the alternative route to the top of Mandalay Hill. We met a few locals but almost no tourists. Lots of dogs though, getting some shut eye after a night’s running with the pack and barking no doubt.

We stopped for a drink at a little stall half way up. It was run by a family who obviously lived as well as worked there. Their shelter was the roof of the walkway. A mattress was strapped to one wall and the 4 children were getting ready for the day sitting on an old door. There was a tv in one corner and that was it. There were a few broken toys on the other side of the stall but what really got me were the three old plastic dolls’ houses that had been carefully placed on a concrete shelf underneath the roof, like cherished ornaments.

This is poverty. People trying to make a living, living as tidily as they can in makeshift “homes”, taking the very few opportunities available to them and receiving no handouts. Any one who thinks we have poverty in the uk needs their bumps read.

Walking along, we came across quite a few people earning their living in similar ways. I bought a bracelet from a man who proudly showed us his bead making machine, a Heath Robinson style contraption.

The summit of the hill is topped by a glittering temple, and we saw the workmen cutting glass tiles into star shapes by hand. Other men then apply them to the wall, creating beautiful mosaics. I can’t help thinking the money used to build these ornate temples would be better spent improving people’s lives in the here and now.

We wandered back down the hill using a different route and decided to get a taxi back to our hotel as we were hot and sweaty. After a quick turnaround it was off to the shopping mall, Mandalay style. The supermarket was fascinating. Who knew fermented egg and fish skin is apparently a tasty snack. Charlie, I was going to buy some for you but Steve wouldn’t let me. Think you missed out on a delicious delicacy.

After a very quick lunch, it was off to U Bein bridge with J and N. The bridge is supposedly the longest teak bridge in the world. It’s certainly one of the most dangerous. One side has no barriers at all – one shove from a careless Chinese tourist could be curtains for you. It doesn’t help that the bridge is packed with people trying to take the perfect sunset shot.

We managed to survive the excursion and the next stop was getting back in time for our free rum sour and a swim. After that, dinner.

For some crazy reason I took it upon myself to suggest going to the Aye Myit Tar restaurant for dinner. In my defence, it got great reviews on trip advisor and in my head I pictured it as a slightly touristy restaurant serving sanitised Burmese food, which we needed as we were flying the following day so bad tummies were a definite no no.

My guardian angel seemed to think this was a bad idea and put several obstacles in the way of our attempts to get there in the hope we would give up.

Firstly our first choice of tuktuk driver went rogue and started a sweary rant about grab (equivalent to Uber) which was very aggressive so we decided to give him a miss. Then we had trouble finding another one, eventually stumbling upon quite a disinterested driver who had never heard of the restaurant, couldn’t read google maps but did know street numbers. To add to the confusion, google gave the wrong street number, resulting in our driving time getting longer rather than shorter. Eventually we gained control and he dropped us in the vicinity of the restaurant.

The area was as dead as a door nail and we couldn’t see the restaurant anywhere. Anyone else would have given up, but I was determined and managed to collar some innocent young man minding his own business. He actually knew where it was. Hurrah! We hot footed off in the direction he pointed, and , eureka, we saw the lights of the divine Aye Myit Tar. My knight in shining armour pulled up alongside us on his scooter to make sure we were on the right track. This is what I love most about Myanmar- people’s kindness.

And so we walked into the restaurant and my heart sank. I had expected a full, bustling restaurant, probably with some tourists brought there by their tour group. Nope. A few locals and two westerners. Food poisoning on a plate.

The menu was full of delights such as duck gizzards and curried intestines. It was a struggle to find anything vaguely edible that wasn’t going to poison us. Jan immediately went for the veg, Nik boldly went for chicken and Steve and I went for the pork. Steve also had a mutton curry . (I know, the appetite on him is legendary. )

Everyone was very polite but I know in their place I would be totally cursing me.

And then the side dishes arrived. Noooo! It was bad enough trying to find the least noxious thing on the menu, now we had to eat random things we would never have chosen as well. That’s when the hysteria set in. Jan and I just couldn’t stop giggling. Of course, the waiting staff were intrigued by us and were eager for us to enjoy their food. We manned up and ate as much as we could. J and N won a free bottle of beer which helped. I volunteered to nurse anyone who fell ill and N seemed quite keen on this idea. Steve didn’t as he knows my idea of nursing is bringing one cup of tea and then going off and doing something else for the rest of the day. To be fair, I learnt that from Steve.

The waiters got it into the swing of things and brought Steve a “dessert” of fried broad beans , raw garlic and chilli. We noticed they were secretly taking photos of us and we had a nice chat with the young lad who served us who was learning English at university. I like to think we bonded but they probably thought we were just weird.

Eventually we said our goodbyes and got a tuktuk back to our hotel. A very early start in the morning and I prayed my guardian angel would take pity on me and ensure everyone is ok.